how to choose the music at your wedding

From a music obsessed wedding planner who has seen it all

If there are only a couple of facts someone knows about me, the fact that I am a wedding planner and am really, really into music are likely two of them, so I do feel uniquely qualified to tackle this next blog: the ins and outs of choosing your wedding music.

A few caveats to start though: before anything else, your wedding should be a reflection of you and your spouse. If you disagree with everything I say here and want to ignore all my advice, go ahead! This is your day and my role as a wedding professional in that scenario would be to share my opinion and experience but to support your wishes. This is just for fun and should be considered as such.

Jumping right in, I know from experience that most couples don’t consider the specific songs they want for their day, apart from maybe one or two that are immediately significant to them. By the point in wedding planning when you are asked, you’ve often made so many decisions that it can feel unbearable to make more. Song choices can feel really insignificant in the grand scheme of it all–who really remembers all of those anyway?

First of all I always do, but your guests actually do, too! Music ties closely to memory in the same way that smell or taste do. I encourage my couples to reframe it in this way–every time they hear the song you choose, you and your guests will think of your first dance, or how beautiful you looked walking down the aisle. It’s another chance to add a personal touch and impact and it’s FREE (or included in the cost of your DJ.) The songs that set the scene for your day have an impact, but I understand that you might need some guidance to narrow it down.

SONGS YOU’LL BE ASKED TO CHOOSE

Your DJ or wedding planner will likely provide this list for you, but here are the most common songs you should be prepared to provide for your day.

Processional (wedding party and family entrance)

Couple entrance

Recessional (song you exit the ceremony to)

Reception entrance (wedding party + a separate one for you if you choose)

First dance

Other formal dances (family, decade, etc.)

Last song/last dance

You’ll also need

General vibe of songs for dinner, dancing, etc.

Songs you do NOT want to hear, aka a “Do Not Play” list

Now that you know what you’re looking for, here are a few guidelines you might find helpful when selecting your songs.

CONSIDER THE LYRICS

(Y’all don’t wanna hear me, you just wanna dance)

This one gets glossed over and I do get why–a lot of people don’t listen or don’t understand what is being said a lot of the time! But not paying attention to the lyrics of important songs used during your ceremony can create some really awkward moments.

Consider the couple (not clients of mine) who did their first dance to Linger, by The Cranberries. A lovely melody for sure, and Delores’ voice never fails to move me. However, the song is indeed about being cheated on and yearning for that person despite it–it doesn’t exactly set the stage for an easy, love-filled life. But there are some simple fixes here! Dreams, also by The Cranberries, is a sweet song with an upbeat ending. It would be so fun to do a choreographed dance to this one, or even to invite folks to join you at the end ! You could even do an instrumental version of Linger–something that invites folks to consider the melody and not the lyrics.

The lyrics don’t have to be about a wedding or even a love song. But I do at least recommend that they be a positive message and not about an explicitly bad relationship.

CONSIDER THE SETTING

(Where are you? And I’m so sorry . . .)

This is such a simple rule, but I can’t stress it enough: these songs are being played at a wedding. Not that every song has to be a romantic love song, but I do encourage you to look through the songs, especially those listed above, through the lens of where they will be played and who is present.

I know this seems a lot like the consider the lyrics rule and on a lot of levels it is! But it’s a bit broader in the sense that it involves the people, the venue, and the overall setting just as much as the song itself. One of the most beautiful things about weddings is that it brings together people from all walks of lives and all sectors of your life, but this does leave some room for awkward moments and differences in communication and expectations. To account for this, it’s a good idea to consider where you are and who else is present when making your song selections. For example, if your reception is in a Church hall, you should consider edited versions of songs. This is also true earlier in the evening regardless of your venue when older, more traditional guests may be present. Again, this comes naturally for a good DJ and they can help guide you in this process, so don’t hesitate to lean on them!

I want to be explicitly clear that I am not mandating that your wedding be chaste and expletive free—if your wedding has an open bar, is kid free, and the grandparents have left for the evening, have the DJ cue Megan Thee Stallion and let’s get rowdy (play Tuned In Freestyle if you want to also get ME on the dance floor!) But it’s a good rule of thumb that while in mixed company, you consider everyone present and hold off on songs that might be deemed inappropriate or that could throw off the vibe.

CONSIDER YOUR GUESTS (BUT NOT TOO MUCH)

(I did it my way . . .)

This is a really useful exercise in all of wedding planning, and it feels like something I will write more on in the future, but you do indeed need to think about the type of music your guests would like to hear and what’s most likely to get them up and moving (if that’s a priority). BUT! It can’t be ALL you think about! This is where a great wedding planner and a great DJ come into play.

A good planner can help you determine your priorities and see them through the lens of a guest experience. For example, previous clients of mine weren’t dancers and most of their friends and family were on the same page. However, they still wanted to create a lively environment for celebrating and something a bit more engaging than a playlist. Their solution was a really beautiful 4 piece jazz quartet. It was even more special because they were friends of the couple who played in the band together in college (utilize your community, y’all!) This decision was a bit controversial with the guests’ family, but come wedding night it was such a lovely touch and created a beautiful ambiance for guests to enjoy their meal, catch up, and celebrate.

The second piece of this is a good DJ, and that’s some of my biggest advice to couples. Your DJ plays such a massive role in setting the stage for your party, and their roles are bigger and more complex than you think. A good DJ reads the room and can see what folks are responding to and what’s going to get them up and going. This is based on the info the couple and planner gave them of course, but is also a live skill, something you’re tweaking and doing as the party is unfolding. This is where the balance of considering your guests and also allowing the pros to do their job really comes into play—you’ve likely provided them with some of your favorite songs and visions for how the evening will sound. Now is the time to let them cook! They can determine when and where to play the songs you’ve selected and the songs they know are crowd pleasers (and the best DJs do this through the lens of the songs/vibe you’ve set for them!) A good DJ can get your grandmother, cousin, and niece all on the dance floor celebrating and making memories. And that’s powerful stuff, just like music.

for your listening pleasure:

I’m not going to do all this work to write a blog and NOT include a playlist full of songs that are song selecting rule approved, unique, and would go over so well at almost any wedding! You can check it out below!

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY HERE