Is social media good for wedding planning?
I hinted at this in a recent Instagram post, but I have such a complicated relationship with social media. I’m not a complete hater; being able to connect with people all around the world instantly and see live, unfiltered perspectives of current events is obviously invaluable. However, it’s not that controversial to say that there are some pretty obvious cons as well. This isn’t going to be another “your phones are poisoning your brain!!!1!” post (though maybe they are, idk) but instead is a chance for me to chat a bit about wedding planning, the wedding industry as a whole, and the role social media plays in it all. I’ll give you some healthy ways you can use it to your advantage, and point out some pitfalls I see often in clients and let you know when maybe it’s time to hit “mute” on some of those accounts and consider logging off.
But first a moment of honesty: the whole reason I wanted to write this blog is because I want to avoid posting on social media. Though I feel I’ve come a long way in my own evolution and general self-acceptance journey, I’ll be uncomfortably transparent and say that I do find it difficult to not compare myself to other wedding professionals in particular. Though I feel beyond confident in my approach to wedding planning, it’s only natural to see folks doing the same thing as you and draw comparisons, and it’s not the healthiest road to go down! But I also know what an amazing tool social media can be for clients to find me and to highlight my work. Do you see how conflicting it feels?!
So after a few months of feeling really insecure and just kind of avoiding posting at all–not a great business strategy, I know–I was chatting with some friends about it and they suggested writing blogs! I love to write and have a ton of opinions about standards in the wedding industry (and literally everything else) so this seemed like a great middle ground. Hopefully you’ll see more of this in the future–stay tuned and let me know if you’re interested in this format!
Social media is not all evil though, so let’s start with the positives:
It’s a central place for ideas
Of course, the obvious best thing about social media is that it’s an amazing place for people to share ideas. Things that worked for them, unique approaches to their day, tips and tricks for vendors–I always tell my clients that the more weddings you see and have access to, the more examples of how other people have chosen to structure celebrations, the more things you can find and adapt to make work for you and your unique needs.
A chance for representation
This feels a bit similar to the central place for ideas, but just having a way to showcase nontraditional and unique weddings is huge and important enough to highlight specifically. If you are only looking in mainstream magazines or movies, weddings can be pretty one-dimensional. A thin, conventionally attractive, often white woman marrying a thin, conventionally attractive, often white man. We all know that that’s not what all weddings look like, so social media is a great way to see other body and relationship types being celebrated. All weddings are valid and worth being showcased, and anything that helps get nontraditional celebrations the credit they deserve is worth acknowledging!
A place to connect with vendors
Social media is a great way to find vendors and for vendors to find clients as well. Recently, I was having a check in with a client and they commented that they stalked me on my personal social media before deciding to book me. I was at first a bit horrified, but then I really took it as a compliment. After all, that’s the point! It’s supposed to be a more authentic, personal reflection of who you are, and that is what I strive for on my personal page and my event page as well! More than a traditional website, social media can be a real glimpse behind the curtain and into the person you’ll be working with to bring your day together, and that’s a lot more important than folks realize!
Of course, there are some negatives as well. Some of the most common I see are:
It sets unrealistic expectations
I see this often and I know it’s one of the toughest things brides navigate in their planning process, especially early on. It’s easy to see photos from other brides, vendors, or wedding publications and be blown away by floral displays, elaborate seating charts, and epic send offs. But there is often so much more to the story than the photo posted can convey! For one, things often cost more than you think. It’s not because wedding vendors are greedy, though. It’s nuanced and complicated but essentially, wedding vendors are small businesses and that working in the wedding industry is a specialized skill and therefore should be priced as a luxury. So what you see as a beautiful display of florals is years of experience, months of planning, and hours and hours of work, and therefore, expensive.
The reality is that most people order professional florals or hire a professional photographer only a handful of times in their life, so they’re not familiar with what that costs. And when you have a lot of surprising expenses all at once, it can make a wedding feel really unattainable and that’s not how the wedding planning process is meant to feel. This is a really great time to bring on a wedding planner who can help you review your budget and narrow your vision to something attainable and how to get the most bang for your buck, btw :-)
It’s caused a rise in styled shoots
Something that I think escapes the public discourse around weddings and social media is that a lot of the content you see of weddings isn’t from a wedding at all. It’s often from a styled shoot, or specific scenario expertly created with models and other professionals only to create content. It’s not a real wedding and therefore doesn’t have the same challenges (and magic, in my opinion) as a wedding day.
I do not think that all styled shoots are bad, and I absolutely know that they serve a purpose in the industry. If you’re a rental company, I can’t think of many better ways to show off a new collection and how you envision it being used. If you’re a new venue with limited booked events and you’re looking to book more, it’s a great way to showcase the spaces as they’d look for an event! But they’re not something that I have or plan to participate in, and I do think there is a really strong argument that they can have some negative impacts on the industry.
I could honestly write a whole blog on this so that’s all I’ll say for now. . .
They’re selling to you This one is huge and I didn’t really realize the full extent of it until I got engaged myself. Not to sound like a total conspiracy theorist, but once your social media algorithm finds out that you’re engaged, you will begin to be fed the most insane content where you’re being sold to from every angle. Spa ads to get your skin in perfect condition before the big day. Gym ads to get your ‘wedding body,’ whatever that means. Any clothing item that can be made white will be highlighted and put on display for you. And don’t get me started on the listicles of “must have” items to include in your bridal party proposal gift/wedding day goody bag/bachelorette party kit!
All of this isn’t bad and I promise I am not being a hater! One of the most fun parts of wedding planning is all the small traditions that you’ve seen and now get to participate in. But all of these things should be optional and treated like luxuries because they are! It can just be hard to see them this way when the way they’re being presented to you is so insidious–from the mouths of other brides and influencers and not obvious ads.
This all brings me to my final point and maybe the most important takeaway from this whole manifesto I’ve managed to write: when does your social media become unhealthy and when is it time to consider logging off?
When it makes you feel panicked. If you feel like you have too much to do when you’re scrolling, or you add yet another list of “ten things you can’t forget about on your wedding” to your saved folder while feeling like you’re definitely forgetting or missing something, I’d put the phone down. If you have anyone from your wedding team review your timeline or wedding info or especially if you have a planner, you’re on the right track. Someone is looking out for you. Put your trust in them and not a stranger on the internet.
When it makes you feel small. Your wedding is just as worthy and your marriage just as beautiful as any you see online, even if they aren’t as elaborate or large. Some levels of comparison are natural, but if they’re causing you to feel negatively about yourself or your choices, hit ‘mute’ on that account.
When it’s impacting your relationship(s). At the end of the wedding planning process, all you have is your marriage. Weddings are a beautiful opportunity for you and your partner to work together and mange a large complicated project together, often for the first time, but you have to treat then as such! If social media and the expectations it’s created for your day feel too overwhelming or is causing you to argue with your partner or family about what’s necessary for your day, it might be time to take a step back!
